i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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