and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
