I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
