My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
