This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
