this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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