I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
