I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
