I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
