if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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