I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
time to smoke my breakfast
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
