the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
