the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
