I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Text me some of your sweat
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
