There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
