i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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