you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
