I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
