I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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