so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
