an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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