my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
