Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
