dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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