she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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