so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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