I got chris browned last night
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
