We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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