Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
