Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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