My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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