She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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