you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
