I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize