are you still at the devil's house?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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