nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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