I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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