Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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