just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
