Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
