tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm too high and old for this...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
