it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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