so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
bring money and cleavage
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You are the jesus of drinking
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
