drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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