Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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