Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
