Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
two words: eviction party
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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