that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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