I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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