I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
